There is a fellow blogger that I just love to read, The Sassy Stew, her posts are always so funny and true about that small 1% of passengers. Today I was reading back through her archives and just rolling in the floor with laughter. I got to thinking about all the crazy stuff I have seen, which actually isn't that much. I am kinda thankful for that. As much I like having a good story to tell, not being in an emergency or having a situation where you need to call the cops is probably better. But I thought I would share a few stories about how 3 people amazed me, in a bad way, on my last trip. It really is amazing sometimes to see what people think is acceptable.
I was on a 4 day domestic trip over the 4th of July week and story number one takes place on one of those days. First of all some background on what my uniform looks like as it is an important factor in this story. I like to wear the dresses that we have during the summer. There are two, a red one and a blue one. Both have a breast pocket where you can put a pen, or pocket square, or whatever. As the name implies, its right over the boob area for us ladies. With that being explained, lets go back to the flight in question. I was walking through the cabin with a bottle of water and a stack of cups when this guy holds up a used napkin to indicate he wants to throw it away. Now, on a side tangent, I am always shocked when people try to give me trash when my hands are full! Do they expect me to whip out a 3rd arm? Hold it with my teeth? Squeeze it between my knees and waddle down the aisle? I can't carry your trash right now people! Geez! So when this guys starts waving his gross, dirty, used napkin at me, I hold up my hands to indicate that, HELLO!!, I can't take your TRASH, while I am serving water and have no hand to take it, or bag to put it in. So what does he do you ask? Well he makes a motion with his free hand that interpreted as wanting a cup a water so I lean down a bit to make it easier for him to get a cup and lo and behold as he is coming towards me the world kinda slows down into slow motion like on a movie, where everything happens so fast you don't have time to react, but it seems so slow that you have the chance to process it all. He reaches up with the dirty napkin and sticks it into my dress pocket!! EWWW! Now not only has he put his TRASH into MY clothing! MY uniform! But in a way he has groped me! I was shocked. Who does that?!? Calmly, I sat my water on the floor, grabbed his stupid, gross napkin out my MY DRESS POCKET!!! and place it on his tray. Calmly still I told him it is not acceptable to place trash in a flight attendants uniform and under no circumstances is it ever ok to put anything in my front pocket! His response? "Oh, when you leaned down (to offer him the cups) I thought that was what you wanted me to do." Are you for real buddy?
Story Number 2
Might as well stick with the theme from that last story about inappropriate sexual behaviors on board. This one isn't as bad as the trash in my pocket guy, but still merits a "What the h**l are you thinking?!" On this flight, same trip, different day, I was sitting in the jumpseat where there are 2 passengers directly in front of you. Now, so fa's are super picky and ask people not to have anything in their hands during take off and landing, not even a book or magazine, because if something happens what ever they have is going to come flying at us. I don't care if you have a magazine, but on this particular day there was a guy with a HUGE laptop. I mean circa 1995, Dell something that had to have weighed 20lbs. It could have easily done some damage so I told the guy that I needed to stow it for take off. Now most people when you tell them that you need to stow something either: A. Try to get up to stow it themselves or B. Hand it to you to stow. (Which if you are already seated and we are moving, is the correct option.) This guy opted for option C. Which turned out to be 'pick the laptop up off my lap yourself.' Now this might not have been such a big deal had his laptop been at his knees, as opposed to directly on top of his crotch area. So after telling him I needed to stow it, he proceeds to lean back, lift his hands in the air and look down at the lap top to indicate I need to pick it up myself. Before I really thought about it I almost did it, but thankfully realized that had I went to pick it up my self, I probably would have had to inadvertently touched this guy in a spot that in no way did I want to. Eww. Sir, I am sorry, but I am not about to touch you in that way on today's flight. And I told him that and had him hand me his computer. Was he trying to get me to touch 'it'? I'm hopping not. I hope he just didn't realize what would have happened, but people are strange so who knows.
Story number 3 is short. I just couldn't believe that guys asked this. I was walking down the aisle and a man, in his mid 50's I would guess, waves me over. "Miss, I have a question for you." Ok, go ahead. "Those white things out there," pointing out the window, "Are they clouds or snow?" Seriously? We are flying over Minnesota/Michigan in July. Not Colorado or Alaska in January. After I took a second to be sure he was in fact serious, I answered him with the correct answer of 'clouds, sir." After which his wife proceeds to smack him in the leg and yell, "I told you so!" I am guessing she was thinking to her self, 'I can't believe I married this guy, how embarrassing!'
Today's Random Quote: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
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